How is it possible that I haven't written to you in over a month? Are you safe and sound? It is already March 2018.
Today was my fourth day as a new cashier as at hardware store. I miss my GIS work. I felt so safe and sound while doing electric technician work. Sometimes I feel old in San Diego, sometimes I feel alone. Sometimes i feel awesome during improv shows at North Park!! :)
I go to work by myself to Sport Arena Boulevard. I was privileged doing GIS work. I miss my maps and work orders. I never thought I would miss doing electric mapping attribute work, now I am stuck at a money and cashier work for the next month or maybe two months. Going to the university and learning and reading at CSU Long Beach was awesome.. Why can't I go back to school yet? Student loan debt is the worst. I want to live in a house and be in a major commercial.
These days theater, masturbation, and movies are the only things that make me happy. I truly miss cuddling, hugging and laughing with people I love.
Sometimes I wonder how much living in Los Angeles would cost. I find myself dreaming of home and sometimes driving on the 405 or the 605. It is absurd how much I miss home yet know the costs of living in Los Angeles are greater than San Diego. I would miss theater, South Park and my room. Besides, I know how much a house and mortgages can be. I miss you. I really do, I feel stupid. I dream of a movie paradise where I can direct my own story and write well. This entry is all over the place. Goodnight.
TPS ended. I am sad and feel broken I am strong and will #resist The end of the program does not directly affect my yet it makes me angry how much this policy will affect thousands of Salvadoreans and their baby children.
I went to meditation at El Cajon today. I learned of the opportunity through Finest City Improv.
The workshop is called Alexander Technique. It was the first time I had heard about it. I learned how I need to catch my breathe I listened to the teacher's advice and he observed my posture. He told me how I need to stop hunting for answers and just let it be. It is difficult for me to stop searching excessively for answers. I have a hard time accepting facts and not question them. Why am I always running away from pleasure? You know sometimes I even question if I deserve to be happy. I cry and know how much pain I have experienced. Its silly to think that I do not know what to do with happiness and fairness In my life I have not felt romantic love as much as I have felt pain. It is stupid to think I do not deserve love. Will I ever learn how it is acceptable to search for love and life? I need to accept and let go Otherwise life will pass me by and the moment will leave
Every time you close your eyes you avoid the truth Every time you open your eyes you can build Every time you climb you rise
This weekend was a whirlwind of grown up emotions I kept feeling and thinking how silly to be concerned and infuriated it is. Jairo told me how it is absurd to think of suicide "its as if you let the demons win if you think suicide"
Thankfully I have not been suicidial since February. Speaking with my friends and going to Monrovia and Arcadia helped me see clearly. There is so much I can offer to myself, others and my soul. Yes, it will be difficult to change jobs yet it is time. My time to change is here. I will keep doing improv. I will continue to cry, I will continue to grow and much more
"Tu te duermes en mi hoy, yo despierto en tu ayer" "Yo quiero llegar cuando tu te quieres ir" "La casualidad de vernos se escapa" "Somos diferentes cielos en un mismo mapa"
Cada vez que hoigo el piano o veo la lluvia caer en cemento o pavimento negro extraño a el metal chico Ya tiene mas de seis años que nos conocimos y siento que fue aller Nuestro mundo fui igual alguna vez Los Dodgers van a jugar contra los Astros esta noche Siento que el mundo va girando cada dia mas rapido Por las noches me siento sola y avecez pierdo el rumbo Yo estoy aqui en San Diego Y mi amor esta en Los Angeles Yo estoy aqui Y el esta alla
Hoy es noche de brujas y me siento sola Estoy vestida de la mujer increible y me siento como una mujer loca Que quiere regresar a otra etapa donde tomava mas te de passion fruit Cuando El todavia me llama en mi telefono y cuando podia llamarle sin preocupacio mientras tanto yo estoy aqui y el alla en su propio mundo Cancunapa -DH
Late last night the Dodgers battled against the Houston Astros at Chavez Ravine. Puig was on the mound and could not defeat Verlander. The red ginger beard was overcome by Correa. It was a game full of emotion The Dodgers were winning at first. Actually, the Astros scored first. The game was a rollercoaster of emotions, I saw the beginning at La Jolla's UTC with Evan who was visiting from the San Fernando for an interview. I was so exhausted and the record breaking heat made me feel worse. It was 98 Fahrenheit yesterday in San Diego, California.
The Dodgers lost the second game of the World Series 2017. I kept thinking how for the past 9 nine weeks my life has been a series of strikeouts and homeruns. Baseball makes me feel happy and forget for a moment the politics or circumstances of my life at work. I am on some dubious mapping challenge to score higher points and improve my accuracy. Thankfully I've been able to increase my location and production goals. Nevertheless, sometimes I feel that the opposing team is scoring homeruns against me. Watching the Dodgers battle and shut out players gives me courage. there is something great in watching the Dodgers play and run and strike. Perhaps its only the nostalgia that takes me back to summer games or a magical time of going to dates at Chavez Ravine on an August night or eating Dodger Dogs at the all you can eat Pavilion. One fact remains true, I will believe in the Dodgers every day more, my love for the team remains constant. I may feel blue or lonely yet thinking about the Boys in Blue always brings a smile to my face. With Blue Thoughts, D
Good afternoon, today at 10:20 AM there was an eclipse. I had my sunglasses to see it, yet through it all, I somehow thought about Eddie and could not help to think about CSULB. It is mental how after 2 years of moving to San Diego I still think about him. The mind is connected to the body and vice versa. I am currently at my cubicle at work at SDGE and my shift is done. It is almost 3:30 PM and I need to schedule a massage yet somehow I cannot stop thinking about Eddie. I am insane. Now I am even dating a guy from here, well technically he is from El Centro and not from San Diego. Nevertheless, it is mental and exhausting how I am still not over Eddie. This is one douche move from the mind and spirit. In life, updates I practice improv at Finest City at North Park in San Diego, CA and I enjoy it very much. It brings laughter and joy into my life. I have to go now. say yes!
Tonight I am Dalia Downer, I rented a car on Wednesday. I drove and parked all around East LA, Monterey Park, Pico Rivera, Downey. Parked it without a parking pass at home for 4hrs & now the tow truck took it. Talk about unexpected spending. It's 4am and I'm out of my mind.
Why is it that sometimes you are out in the world all day and you are safe only return home to bad news or unfortunate situations? Also, i think I am in denial about my aunts death. She passed on the 9th & I havnt cried. Anyways. Its 429Am, going back to sleep. I miss you douches bags!!
Why Do I miss you? I see you when I walk around I miss you when I drive through Pico Rivera and Downey. Its insane how I sometimes think of you during lunch time. I am out of my mind to see you through the wall Time heals yet I am running after the fall I yearn to be happy even if you are out of sight Why can't I just find the right light? I need to find an appropriate car to drive The one I have I love yet it is not mine
I need to get by I want to survive I like to receive a high five I am out of my mind I miss you You are now out of sight People fight and run similar to a knight Its late goodnight
Why do I still miss you, even after I find the light?